I didn’t think this what will come out in today’s post.
I have noticed I haven’t been consistent posing here despite the fact that blogging is probably my most favorite online platform compare to the others (talking about Instagram and facebook here)
I was dealing with a great self-doubt (cliché). And I don’t think she is going anywhere anytime soon. She’s planning on staying in my head for a long time. That granules of self doubt were built overtime and the cup is now overflowed. That is why I know that everyday I am not in a battle with anyone else but myself. Everything around me can be chaotic but the thing that determine my inner-peace is my respond to the situation. It’s still baby steps for me but I has changed my perspective in life.
Even now I am actively battling my own self-doubt. Questioning myself if what I want to say matter or even if I even matter? I am pretty sure that all of us in the same battle of our own self-doubt. I have been rejected and failed too many and I am still going through my rejections and failures. However, from that experiences I have learnt that rejections mean we haven’t found the right people, platform or place yet and failure mean we haven’t found what is right and worked for us yet. Notice the word ‘haven’t’ and ‘yet’? Whatever you and me are facing right now is not the end destination.
It feels crazy I was so full with inspiration at the beginning of my writing and now it is all gone. I think it will make a great writing prompts, just write anything that comes up in my head, even if it’s a writer’s block.
Anyways, I want to start being responsible with my life again while pursuing what I want. Constantly exploring new things while having a strong integrity with my values. Marrying the idea of survival, idealistic and realistic thinking into some sort of threesome. Weird? I know, I think so too. In fact, I was completely sober writing this out but it makes a perfect sense in my weird and sober mind. Back into blogging style when it was first born. Spilling the true and honest self out into words without having to worry about SEO, followers or any kind of bullshit.
And thank you for stopping by, I hope to see you soon. And please let me know how you think about anything in the comment below! It’s your space pipool!!!
PS: notice the shift in writing style? That’s the difference when you just let your true creativity pour out without thinking about any potential judgement that are mostly just happen in your head (and my head too)